Kingdom Comics · No. 1
WEEK 1:
THE CROWN GETS LOUD
Ten claimants entered. Five won, five lost, and one lizard outscored the entire kingdom. Every score in this issue is real — the jokes, sadly for some, are also earned.
Kingdom Basketball Association · Week 1 finals, as pulled from ESPN.
Panel 1
The Morning After
The REAL Tribal Chief
Week 1 is final. In the throne room, the defending champion reads the scores the way he reads everything: out loud, so the walls learn.
The REAL Tribal Chief1,383.5 to 1,261. Acknowledge the scoreboard. Take your time — I will be here all season.
Panel 2
The King's Reply
Christ The King
The REAL Tribal Chief
Christ The King122.5 points. That is not a loss, that is a rounding error with good PR.
The REAL Tribal ChiefA rounding error that counts in the standings, Your Majesty.
Christ The KingWeek 1 is a coronation rehearsal. The crown is heavy — apparently the Chief's roster is heavier.
Panel 3
Eleven and a Half
BOOM! Shockalotta
Team Ruah
The family game. BOOM! Shockalotta 1,477.5, Team Ruah 1,466 — the closest final of the week, decided by 11.5 points.
BOOM! ShockalottaBOOM! By eleven and a half points. Eleven. And a half. I have counted twice and framed both counts.
Team RuahYou beat the wind by a breeze, nephew. Enjoy the weather report.
Panel 4
The Wind Rider's Lament
Team Ruah
Team Ruah1,466 points… and I still lost. One thousand, four hundred, sixty-six. I did everything except win.
Team Ruah's 1,466 was the highest losing score of Week 1. The Kingdom sends its condolences and a calculator.
Panel 5
Top of the Food Chain
3Zilla Squad
3Zilla Squad 1,537 — the highest score in the Kingdom in Week 1.
3Zilla Squad1,537. League-high. No further questions. Actually, one: does the scoreboard come in a frame?
Panel 6
The Other Side of 1,537
Team O'Connor
3Zilla Squad
Team O'ConnorI scored 1,427.5 and LOST. Fourteen hundred points and I am framing a defeat.
3Zilla SquadFrame the 1,427.5 too. It is a lovely score. It simply met a lizard.
Panel 7
Served Hot
.... Rice and Beans
CKING
.... Rice and Beans 1,326, CKING 1,191.5 — the widest margin of Week 1: 134.5 points.
.... Rice and Beans1,326, served hot. The kitchen is open all season — reservations are not required, they are enforced.
CKINGI would like to speak to the chef. And the manager. And whoever scheduled this.
Panel 8
The Chess King's Gambit
CKING
CKING1,191.5. The lowest score in the Kingdom. Every dynasty starts somewhere — mine started at the bottom and took notes.
CKING's 1,191.5 was Week 1's lowest total. The notes, witnesses confirm, are extensive.
Panel 9
Bubbles and Buckets
Team Pup n' Suds
Glizzy Gobblers
Team Pup n' Suds 1,426, Glizzy Gobblers 1,398 — a 28-point squeaker.
Team Pup n' Suds1,426 to 1,398. Clean game, clean win. The Suds remain undefeated and extremely bubbly.
Glizzy Gobblers28 points. I lost by a snack. A glizzy-sized snack.
Panel 10
So Close
Glizzy Gobblers
Glizzy Gobblers1,398. Four points short of 1,400 and 28 short of a win. I am putting the scoreboard on a bun and eating the evidence.
Panel 11
The Official Record
The REAL Tribal Chief 1,383.5Christ The King 1,261
BOOM! Shockalotta 1,477.5Team Ruah 1,466
3Zilla Squad 1,537Team O'Connor 1,427.5
.... Rice and Beans 1,326CKING 1,191.5
Team Pup n' Suds 1,426Glizzy Gobblers 1,398
Week 1 finals, in full. Winners in bold. No score in this comic was harmed, rounded, or invented.
Panel 12
Winners' Circle
The REAL Tribal Chief
3Zilla Squad
BOOM! Shockalotta
The REAL Tribal ChiefFive winners. One crown. The maths is unkind to four of us.
3Zilla SquadUndefeated has a lovely ring. Rather like a tail curling.
BOOM! ShockalottaBOOM! Undefeated. Somebody write that down before my cousin checks the standings.
Panel 13
The 0–1 Support Group
Team Ruah
Team O'Connor
CKING
Elsewhere in the palace, the week's five losers hold their first meeting. Attendance: mandatory. Snacks: provided by Glizzy, eventually.
Team RuahI open the floor. Who here scored over 1,400 and lost?
Team O'ConnorPresent. 1,427.5. Still lost.
CKINGSome of us are here for the snacks and the personal growth.
Panel 14
Two Kings, No Wins
Christ The King
CKING
Christ The KingTwo kings entered Week 1. Two kings left 0–1. The throne room is very quiet.
CKINGSpeak for your throne. Mine is a chessboard — and on a chessboard, the king moves one square at a time. Week 2 is a square.
Panel 15
The Rematch Energy
BOOM! Shockalotta
Team Ruah
BOOM! ShockalottaSame time next week, cousin?
Team RuahThe wind does not lose the same week twice. Check the forecast.
Week 2 is already in progress. This comic makes no prediction — the Kingdom's weather is above its pay grade.
Next in Kingdom Comics
THE END… FOR NOW
Week 2 is on the court as this issue goes to press — five more matchups, ten more arguments, and at least one scoreboard somebody will want framed. Who rises? Who gets served? Who loses by half a point and writes a memoir?
Find out in No. 2 — after the finals are final. In the Kingdom, we never print a score before its time.
Kingdom Comics No. 1 · Story from the real Week 1 finals ·
Character art: the league's canon portraits · Dialogue: the comic's own.